1
00:00:01,201 --> 00:00:05,637
These allegations that I
have sent inappropriate pictures

2
00:00:05,639 --> 00:00:08,507
Over the internet
are completely ridiculous.

3
00:00:08,509 --> 00:00:10,642
They are levied
by my political rivals

4
00:00:10,644 --> 00:00:14,513
Who are trying to embarrass me
and advance their own agenda.

5
00:00:14,515 --> 00:00:17,683
So let me be perfectly clear.

6
00:00:17,685 --> 00:00:19,051
These allegations are false.

7
00:00:19,053 --> 00:00:21,153
I will be vindicated.

8
00:00:21,155 --> 00:00:22,421
- Okay, please, questions.
[all speaking at once]

9
00:00:22,423 --> 00:00:23,522
- Senator, senator.
[overlapping shouting]

10
00:00:23,524 --> 00:00:27,059
<i>Tmz</i> has obtained an actual
photo of your genitalia.

11
00:00:27,061 --> 00:00:29,428
They're posting it
to their website as we speak.

12
00:00:29,430 --> 00:00:31,096
They're saying you took it.

13
00:00:31,098 --> 00:00:31,830
How do you respond?

14
00:00:31,832 --> 00:00:35,667
[cameras clicking]
- hmm? Okay.

15
00:00:35,669 --> 00:00:38,537
I may have sent one photo
of my genitalia.

16
00:00:38,539 --> 00:00:39,671
- All right?
(reporters) senator, senator!

17
00:00:39,673 --> 00:00:41,840
Okay, but I assure you
that's an isolated incident.

18
00:00:41,842 --> 00:00:44,576
- It was a one-time thing. Okay?
[overlapping shouting]

19
00:00:44,578 --> 00:00:46,445
- Yes. Mark?
- Senator,

20
00:00:46,447 --> 00:00:47,246
What about the new report

21
00:00:47,248 --> 00:00:48,414
That there are three
new pictures

22
00:00:48,416 --> 00:00:49,848
Having been sent
to three different women?

23
00:00:49,850 --> 00:00:51,617
That's not a one-time thing.
That's a lot of--

24
00:00:51,619 --> 00:00:54,086
What second-rate news
organization is trying to--

25
00:00:54,088 --> 00:00:56,121
<i>New york times.</i>

26
00:00:56,123 --> 00:00:58,223
(all)
oh...Oh...

27
00:00:58,225 --> 00:01:00,526
O--
it was--it was four total.

28
00:01:00,528 --> 00:01:01,827
- No more. That was it.
[all speaking at once]

29
00:01:01,829 --> 00:01:04,596
It was just--
it was four, and no more.

30
00:01:04,598 --> 00:01:05,330
Questions? Yes, amy.

31
00:01:05,332 --> 00:01:09,268
Yes, you are sure that there
were only four photos sent?

32
00:01:09,270 --> 00:01:10,636
That's it. Four. That's all.

33
00:01:10,638 --> 00:01:11,503
There's no more than four.

34
00:01:11,505 --> 00:01:13,639
Then how do you explain
the one you sent me?

35
00:01:13,641 --> 00:01:16,208
- What?
[all gasping]

36
00:01:16,210 --> 00:01:18,777
Everybody please, please.

37
00:01:18,779 --> 00:01:19,678
I'm begging you.

38
00:01:19,680 --> 00:01:25,150
I'm begging you to forgive me
for the foibles

39
00:01:25,152 --> 00:01:25,851
And transgressions.

40
00:01:25,853 --> 00:01:28,120
It was the reckless act
of a younger man.

41
00:01:28,122 --> 00:01:30,255
A younger man?
You sent it two seconds

42
00:01:30,257 --> 00:01:31,256
Before you stepped on stage.

43
00:01:31,258 --> 00:01:32,858
(man)
senator, senator,
that's very recent.

44
00:01:32,860 --> 00:01:33,492
Yeah, amy,

45
00:01:33,494 --> 00:01:37,129
Last time I checked,
time is still real, okay?

46
00:01:37,131 --> 00:01:38,630
So, technically speaking...
[text message dings]

47
00:01:38,632 --> 00:01:39,731
I am much older now
than I was

48
00:01:39,733 --> 00:01:42,401
- All of those seconds ago.
[all cell phones beeping]

49
00:01:42,403 --> 00:01:43,402
- Did I just--
- are you guys--

50
00:01:43,404 --> 00:01:45,437
- Oh, my god, yeah.
- What?

51
00:01:45,439 --> 00:01:47,239
- What's happening right now?
- I just got one.

52
00:01:47,241 --> 00:01:50,309
[all speaking at once]

53
00:01:50,311 --> 00:01:51,343
Senator,
how are you even doing this?

54
00:01:51,345 --> 00:01:53,245
You have no proof
that I am doing anything--

55
00:01:53,247 --> 00:01:56,348
- [all gasping]
- whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

56
00:01:56,350 --> 00:01:58,317
I'm sorry. I'm sorry again.

57
00:01:58,319 --> 00:02:00,819
I'm sorry again.

58
00:02:00,821 --> 00:02:01,587
I'm sorry one more time.

59
00:02:01,589 --> 00:02:02,287
Oh, wait a second.

60
00:02:02,289 --> 00:02:04,857
You can do it,
but I can't do it?

61
00:02:04,859 --> 00:02:07,326
[overlapping shouting]

62
00:02:07,328 --> 00:02:09,194
Get in there, get in there.

63
00:02:09,196 --> 00:02:12,431
[all groaning]
oh!

64
00:02:12,433 --> 00:02:16,301
[haunting western music]

65
00:02:16,303 --> 00:02:24,610
♪ ♪

66
00:02:39,893 --> 00:02:42,494
- So we're good friends, right?
- Mm hmm.

67
00:02:42,496 --> 00:02:46,265
So if you found out

68
00:02:46,267 --> 00:02:50,335
That I had killed somebody...

69
00:02:50,337 --> 00:02:51,336
Mm hmm.

70
00:02:51,338 --> 00:02:54,606
Would you snitch?

71
00:02:56,976 --> 00:02:57,976
No.

72
00:02:57,978 --> 00:02:59,611
Clearly, you would snitch.

73
00:02:59,613 --> 00:03:02,381
You would go
straight to the fuzz.

74
00:03:02,383 --> 00:03:03,582
[tapping]

75
00:03:03,584 --> 00:03:05,617
Is the word "murder"
with two rs?

76
00:03:05,619 --> 00:03:06,318
Okay.

77
00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:08,820
[haunting western music]

78
00:03:17,697 --> 00:03:20,299
[snaps]
first things first.

79
00:03:20,301 --> 00:03:21,733
I do not care that you're

80
00:03:21,735 --> 00:03:24,469
A multi-platinum selling
rapper, gun rack.

81
00:03:24,471 --> 00:03:26,905
What I care about
is that I, 100%,

82
00:03:26,907 --> 00:03:28,373
Know that you murdered
darnell simmons.

83
00:03:28,375 --> 00:03:31,710
So,
you better start talking.

84
00:03:31,712 --> 00:03:34,913
[dramatic music]

85
00:03:34,915 --> 00:03:37,583
♪ ♪

86
00:03:37,585 --> 00:03:40,686
[softly] yeah,
but you ain't got nothing.

87
00:03:40,688 --> 00:03:42,254
Oh. Uh, you know,

88
00:03:42,256 --> 00:03:45,257
I'm actually, I'm very glad
that you said that.

89
00:03:45,259 --> 00:03:49,962
Because I--respectfully,
I beg to differ.

90
00:03:49,964 --> 00:03:50,896
[hip hop music
on tape player]

91
00:03:50,898 --> 00:03:54,433
♪ I killed darnell, yeah,
I shot him with my nine ♪

92
00:03:54,435 --> 00:03:57,336
♪ I shot him nine times,
9:00 pm on the dime ♪

93
00:03:57,338 --> 00:04:01,506
♪ and by the way,
it was November 9th ♪

94
00:04:01,508 --> 00:04:02,975
[music stops]

95
00:04:07,413 --> 00:04:11,283
That don't mean nothing.

96
00:04:11,451 --> 00:04:14,953
I got a vivid imagination.

97
00:04:14,955 --> 00:04:18,523
I couldn't have shot
darnell.

98
00:04:18,525 --> 00:04:22,294
I was at my cousin's
birthday party.

99
00:04:22,296 --> 00:04:25,030
Red lobster, November 9th.

100
00:04:25,032 --> 00:04:26,965
- At red lobster?
- Mm hmm.

101
00:04:26,967 --> 00:04:28,433
Geez, I got to tell you,
gun rack,

102
00:04:28,435 --> 00:04:31,803
I find that really hard
to believe.

103
00:04:31,805 --> 00:04:34,006
[music continues]
- ♪ I got an alibi ♪

104
00:04:34,008 --> 00:04:34,873
♪ birthday,
red lobster ♪

105
00:04:34,875 --> 00:04:39,578
♪ when in reality I shot
darnell like a mobster ♪

106
00:04:39,580 --> 00:04:42,014
♪ it's a lie,
anyone could tell this ♪

107
00:04:42,016 --> 00:04:45,350
♪ because I got an allergy
to all shellfish ♪

108
00:04:45,352 --> 00:04:46,351
[music stops]

109
00:04:46,353 --> 00:04:48,553
Just confess, gun rack.

110
00:04:48,555 --> 00:04:51,423
I confess that "shellfish"
is the only thing

111
00:04:51,425 --> 00:04:55,494
That rhymes with "tell this".

112
00:04:55,496 --> 00:04:59,364
It's just words, detective.

113
00:04:59,366 --> 00:05:01,466
Nouns, adjectives.

114
00:05:01,468 --> 00:05:05,570
That just happen to be
in a dope order.

115
00:05:05,572 --> 00:05:10,108
But...You ain't got no proof.

116
00:05:10,110 --> 00:05:12,544
[music continues]
- ♪ shot up darnell ♪

117
00:05:12,546 --> 00:05:13,712
♪ with a long-ass gun ♪

118
00:05:13,714 --> 00:05:17,416
♪ and I tossed it
into the aquarium ♪

119
00:05:17,418 --> 00:05:19,384
♪ ♪

120
00:05:19,386 --> 00:05:21,753
I have no idea
what that object is.

121
00:05:21,755 --> 00:05:24,623
- I don't--
- if I had to identify it,

122
00:05:24,625 --> 00:05:29,528
I would call it a gun
of the long-ass variety.

123
00:05:29,530 --> 00:05:33,665
Some seaweed in there, too.
Look, detective.

124
00:05:33,667 --> 00:05:35,701
I hate to break it to you.

125
00:05:35,703 --> 00:05:38,503
I ain't kill nobody.

126
00:05:38,505 --> 00:05:39,137
[music continues]

127
00:05:39,139 --> 00:05:41,406
♪ I stroke my chin real slow
when I'm lying ♪

128
00:05:41,408 --> 00:05:44,476
♪ and I was laughing super hard
as darnell was dying ♪

129
00:05:44,478 --> 00:05:50,582
The name of the album
is<i> I killed darnell simmons.</i>

130
00:05:50,584 --> 00:05:52,784
- It's a concept album.
- A concept--

131
00:05:52,786 --> 00:05:53,752
That's a picture of you.

132
00:05:53,754 --> 00:05:59,925
A picture of you, and behind you
is darnell simmons's body!

133
00:06:02,862 --> 00:06:03,562
Coincidence.

134
00:06:03,564 --> 00:06:05,464
You're going away
for a long time, you understand?

135
00:06:05,466 --> 00:06:08,066
You're gonna confess if it's
the last thing you ever do,

136
00:06:08,068 --> 00:06:10,035
You hear me, gun rack?
I'll beat it out of you.

137
00:06:10,037 --> 00:06:11,570
- Joe.
- I'll beat it out of you.

138
00:06:11,572 --> 00:06:12,838
Joe!

139
00:06:17,176 --> 00:06:17,776
He's free to go.

140
00:06:17,778 --> 00:06:19,911
What?
No. No, no, no, no, no.

141
00:06:19,913 --> 00:06:21,179
We have everything
we need.

142
00:06:21,181 --> 00:06:22,547
No, it was simmons's
girlfriend.

143
00:06:22,549 --> 00:06:24,416
She just confessed
to the whole thing.

144
00:06:24,418 --> 00:06:27,452
Infidelity.
Crime of passion.

145
00:06:27,454 --> 00:06:29,688
Let's go, mr. Rack.

146
00:06:29,690 --> 00:06:32,858
[dramatic music]

147
00:06:32,860 --> 00:06:41,166
♪ ♪

148
00:06:43,936 --> 00:06:46,605
[music from tape player]
- bonus track, bonus track.

149
00:06:46,607 --> 00:06:48,140
♪ got a ride or die bitch ♪

150
00:06:48,142 --> 00:06:49,474
♪ I think you get the gist ♪

151
00:06:49,476 --> 00:06:52,944
♪ and when you let me out,
I'm gonna blow a little kiss ♪

152
00:06:52,946 --> 00:06:56,114
♪ consider this my confession
admissible in a court ♪

153
00:06:56,116 --> 00:06:58,650
♪ I killed darnell simmons
for sport ♪

154
00:06:58,652 --> 00:07:00,619
[laughs]
♪ that's right, I'm a murderer ♪

155
00:07:00,621 --> 00:07:02,687
- ♪ come and get me ♪
- hector, stop!

156
00:07:02,689 --> 00:07:05,657
♪ you can't,
come down the hall and get me ♪

157
00:07:05,659 --> 00:07:06,825
♪ okay, okay,
you got me ♪

158
00:07:06,827 --> 00:07:07,926
You got me, you got me.

159
00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:10,695
Yes. Whoa, whoa. Damn.
Ow, ow!

160
00:07:14,934 --> 00:07:16,301
[haunting western music]

161
00:07:22,475 --> 00:07:23,975
Oh, please don't say
anything.

162
00:07:23,977 --> 00:07:25,977
Please just keep
it to yourself, whatever--

163
00:07:25,979 --> 00:07:27,879
[sneezes]

164
00:07:27,881 --> 00:07:31,416
Oh.
Thought you had an idea.

165
00:07:31,418 --> 00:07:32,384
I do.

166
00:07:32,386 --> 00:07:33,485
[bleep]

167
00:07:33,487 --> 00:07:37,956
- We need to make an app.
- Like, for a smartphone?

168
00:07:37,958 --> 00:07:38,723
An app that all the people

169
00:07:38,725 --> 00:07:42,093
Could download and then
we make millions.

170
00:07:42,095 --> 00:07:43,829
It's just, that [bleep]'s hard
to come up with, man.

171
00:07:43,831 --> 00:07:46,398
It's like catching lightning
in a bottle.

172
00:07:46,400 --> 00:07:48,099
I already got that.

173
00:07:48,101 --> 00:07:48,700
You got what?

174
00:07:48,702 --> 00:07:50,602
Lightning in a bottle.

175
00:07:50,604 --> 00:07:52,437
Really, what's the idea?

176
00:07:52,439 --> 00:07:53,972
No, no idea.

177
00:07:53,974 --> 00:07:57,375
I got actual lightning
in a bottle.

178
00:07:57,377 --> 00:07:58,643
No, levi.

179
00:07:58,645 --> 00:08:01,713
That's just a phrase.

180
00:08:01,715 --> 00:08:02,547
I got that, dog.

181
00:08:02,549 --> 00:08:03,715
[static electricity buzzing]

182
00:08:03,717 --> 00:08:05,050
Lightning in a bottle.
Blip.

183
00:08:05,052 --> 00:08:07,586
That's crazy, son.
Where'd you get that?

184
00:08:07,588 --> 00:08:10,522
Some old chinese man
sold it to me years ago.

185
00:08:10,524 --> 00:08:14,493
I mean, that's some
supernatural [bleep], man.

186
00:08:14,495 --> 00:08:15,393
Nah, man.

187
00:08:15,395 --> 00:08:16,495
All it does is this.

188
00:08:16,497 --> 00:08:17,362
Oh, [bleep]!

189
00:08:17,364 --> 00:08:19,531
Oh, the lightning!

190
00:08:19,533 --> 00:08:21,433
Oh!

191
00:08:21,435 --> 00:08:22,934
I got it.
[sniffs]

192
00:08:22,936 --> 00:08:26,738
But seriously, man.

193
00:08:26,740 --> 00:08:29,007
Would it be like an app
that reminds you

194
00:08:29,009 --> 00:08:30,876
When your favorite television
shows are on?

195
00:08:30,878 --> 00:08:37,816
No. It--we got to address this
crazy-ass bottle that you got.

196
00:08:37,818 --> 00:08:39,518
What bottle?

197
00:08:39,520 --> 00:08:40,452
[bleep], what bottle?

198
00:08:40,454 --> 00:08:46,124
The bottle with
the lightning in it.

199
00:08:46,126 --> 00:08:48,827
Are you still on that?

200
00:08:48,829 --> 00:08:51,062
Yes. How does it work?

201
00:08:51,064 --> 00:08:51,830
Cedric, I don't know.

202
00:08:51,832 --> 00:08:54,533
It's the classic lightning
in the bottle gag.

203
00:08:54,535 --> 00:08:56,801
Classic li--

204
00:08:56,803 --> 00:08:57,569
You just open it up--

205
00:08:57,571 --> 00:08:59,571
[shouting]

206
00:08:59,573 --> 00:09:00,272
[shrilly]
oh! Oh!

207
00:09:00,274 --> 00:09:02,541
Lightning in the house!
Lightning in the room!

208
00:09:05,845 --> 00:09:06,778
Okay, you know what?

209
00:09:06,780 --> 00:09:08,146
- You shouldn't have this.
- What?

210
00:09:08,148 --> 00:09:09,948
This [bleep]--this [bleep]
belongs to

211
00:09:09,950 --> 00:09:10,749
The military or something.

212
00:09:10,751 --> 00:09:11,516
But that app, though.

213
00:09:11,518 --> 00:09:13,752
No. We don't need the app.

214
00:09:13,754 --> 00:09:16,454
You've got the goose
that laid the golden egg.

215
00:09:16,456 --> 00:09:18,924
How do you know about honkers?

216
00:09:18,926 --> 00:09:20,992
[mysterious music]

217
00:09:20,994 --> 00:09:22,561
What?
This mother--

218
00:09:22,563 --> 00:09:23,562
[honk]

219
00:09:23,564 --> 00:09:25,130
Honkers.

220
00:09:25,132 --> 00:09:26,831
Get in on this app idea.

221
00:09:26,833 --> 00:09:28,133
[honker honks]
- you like it?

222
00:09:28,135 --> 00:09:31,002
[honkers honks]
- he likes it.

223
00:09:31,004 --> 00:09:33,538
Yep. He got a goddamn
golden egg.

224
00:09:33,540 --> 00:09:37,676
Honkers here is the cat's
pajamas.

225
00:09:37,678 --> 00:09:39,578
[ominous music]

226
00:09:39,580 --> 00:09:40,545
No, please don't. Don't.

227
00:09:40,547 --> 00:09:41,546
I want to show you something.

228
00:09:41,548 --> 00:09:42,847
Whatever it is,
I don't want to see it.

229
00:09:42,849 --> 00:09:45,584
- It's relevant.
- I already know what it is.

230
00:09:45,586 --> 00:09:49,454
It ain't what you think.

231
00:09:49,456 --> 00:09:52,958
Well, what I think it is
is a pair of cat's pajamas.

232
00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:55,594
Yes. These are for honkers
to wear.

233
00:09:55,596 --> 00:09:58,597
[bleep], what?

234
00:09:58,599 --> 00:09:59,564
The little neck in there.

235
00:09:59,566 --> 00:10:00,865
The neck--

236
00:10:00,867 --> 00:10:04,836
How you gonna fit his head
through this--with the--

237
00:10:04,838 --> 00:10:07,238
The orange pump [bleep].

238
00:10:07,240 --> 00:10:08,974
[honks]

239
00:10:09,709 --> 00:10:13,712
I'm gonna have to ask you
to leave my house.

240
00:10:13,714 --> 00:10:14,245
Why?

241
00:10:14,247 --> 00:10:19,851
Because you disrespected
my roommate.

242
00:10:19,853 --> 00:10:21,519
Okay. Okay.

243
00:10:21,521 --> 00:10:23,488
It's clear that this is
a crazy house. So I got to go.

244
00:10:23,490 --> 00:10:26,791
You over here talking
about geese and golden eggs

245
00:10:26,793 --> 00:10:28,159
And feline sleepwear.

246
00:10:28,161 --> 00:10:30,528
- [honk]
- come on, man. Cedric.

247
00:10:30,530 --> 00:10:34,532
You need to get off
your high horse, man.

248
00:10:34,534 --> 00:10:38,503
Hey, I just thought of a name
for you.

249
00:10:38,505 --> 00:10:41,906
♪ ♪

250
00:10:41,908 --> 00:10:43,675
High horse.

251
00:10:43,677 --> 00:10:46,177
[neighing]

252
00:10:46,179 --> 00:10:48,680
[haunting western music]

253
00:10:51,550 --> 00:10:52,784
You get on that sext tip?

254
00:10:52,786 --> 00:10:55,654
Yeah, I've sent
explicit texts to my bride.

255
00:10:55,656 --> 00:10:56,388
There you go. That's it.

256
00:10:56,390 --> 00:10:58,890
- That's it.
- Yeah, I'll just--send it off.

257
00:10:58,892 --> 00:11:00,225
'cause
I know what it does to her.

258
00:11:00,227 --> 00:11:02,560
Like, I know what kind of effect
it would have on her.

259
00:11:02,562 --> 00:11:03,762
- And she'd just--oh!
- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

260
00:11:03,764 --> 00:11:06,031
That's a big part of it.
But then you got to follow

261
00:11:06,033 --> 00:11:07,966
Through with the whole
sext thing.

262
00:11:07,968 --> 00:11:11,569
It's like, you just type
the word "insertion".

263
00:11:11,571 --> 00:11:13,638
- Mm-hmm.
- Send.

264
00:11:13,640 --> 00:11:16,107
That's the whole thing.
I'm done.

265
00:11:16,109 --> 00:11:17,842
Shouldn't you write, like,
"insertion",

266
00:11:17,844 --> 00:11:20,845
And then, the next one
you should just write "in."

267
00:11:20,847 --> 00:11:23,314
And then the next one
is "out."

268
00:11:23,316 --> 00:11:24,649
And then "in."
and then "out."

269
00:11:24,651 --> 00:11:26,818
Just send a bunch of those.

270
00:11:26,820 --> 00:11:28,987
Some guys
go longer than other.

271
00:11:28,989 --> 00:11:31,589
What? So you're just done
at "insertion"?

272
00:11:31,591 --> 00:11:33,892
Sometimes I'm just "inserti--,"
and then--

273
00:11:33,894 --> 00:11:37,996
- And then it's done?
- I'll just hit "send."

274
00:11:37,998 --> 00:11:39,631
[haunting western music]

275
00:11:39,633 --> 00:11:44,836
[bluesy music]

276
00:11:45,671 --> 00:11:48,206
Ha ha.
Whoo-whee!

277
00:11:48,208 --> 00:11:50,008
Miss clarissa,
I'm gonna tell you, girl.

278
00:11:50,010 --> 00:11:52,043
In that dress,
you looking about as sweet

279
00:11:52,045 --> 00:11:56,181
As a field full of honeysuckle
after a spring rain shower.

280
00:11:56,183 --> 00:12:00,018
[chuckles]
how do you do it, girl?

281
00:12:00,020 --> 00:12:02,587
Mm!
That ass, though.

282
00:12:06,992 --> 00:12:09,027
- What was that?
- What was what?

283
00:12:09,029 --> 00:12:10,095
What you just said to her.

284
00:12:10,097 --> 00:12:13,031
Oh. Well, I was
just following your lead.

285
00:12:13,033 --> 00:12:13,832
No you wasn't.

286
00:12:13,834 --> 00:12:15,633
You was being all heavy-handed
with it, man.

287
00:12:15,635 --> 00:12:18,970
You got to be subtle.

288
00:12:18,972 --> 00:12:20,338
- Subtle.
- Exactly.

289
00:12:20,340 --> 00:12:23,975
You got to be subtle if you
wanna talk to them ladies.

290
00:12:23,977 --> 00:12:24,876
I can do that.

291
00:12:24,878 --> 00:12:25,844
[bluesy harmonica]

292
00:12:25,846 --> 00:12:27,612
Whoo hoo hoo!
Whee!

293
00:12:27,614 --> 00:12:29,714
Miss denise, girl,

294
00:12:29,716 --> 00:12:31,816
The way that dress
is flowing,

295
00:12:31,818 --> 00:12:35,787
You look like a mountain creek
after a spring thaw.

296
00:12:35,789 --> 00:12:37,856
Simply refreshing.

297
00:12:37,858 --> 00:12:40,291
What...Is...Your...Secret?

298
00:12:40,293 --> 00:12:41,760
The way that dress
fitting on you

299
00:12:41,762 --> 00:12:46,297
Got them...Titties
popping out.

300
00:12:46,966 --> 00:12:49,167
- What--
- amazing.

301
00:12:49,169 --> 00:12:52,036
What. Is. Your.
Secret?

302
00:12:52,038 --> 00:12:53,671
What are you--
what are you doing?

303
00:12:53,673 --> 00:12:56,007
I was just doing
what you was doing.

304
00:12:56,009 --> 00:12:56,841
No, you wasn't.

305
00:12:56,843 --> 00:12:59,711
I even said
"what. Is. Your. Secret?"

306
00:12:59,713 --> 00:13:00,779
- That's verbatim!
- That part was.

307
00:13:00,781 --> 00:13:05,049
Did you hear me say anything
about anybody's titties?

308
00:13:06,318 --> 00:13:07,185
No.

309
00:13:07,187 --> 00:13:07,952
You know what?

310
00:13:07,954 --> 00:13:10,822
How about we just say
no words altogether.

311
00:13:10,824 --> 00:13:13,091
- No words altogether.
- Mm-hmm.

312
00:13:13,093 --> 00:13:14,159
- Question.
- Yes?

313
00:13:14,161 --> 00:13:17,128
- How will I talk?
- You're not gonna talk, okay?

314
00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:18,096
All right.

315
00:13:18,098 --> 00:13:19,697
Hoo hoo whee!

316
00:13:19,699 --> 00:13:22,267
Ladies, I'm sorry,
y'all hurt my eye.

317
00:13:22,269 --> 00:13:24,869
Y'all just, like, smoldering.
Like the sun.

318
00:13:24,871 --> 00:13:27,672
And just as bright in them
beautiful dresses.

319
00:13:27,674 --> 00:13:29,774
Mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm!

320
00:13:29,776 --> 00:13:33,278
Mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-
mm-mm--

321
00:13:33,280 --> 00:13:36,447
Mm! Mm! Mm!
Vagina.

322
00:13:37,216 --> 00:13:38,082
What the hell was that?

323
00:13:38,084 --> 00:13:40,218
Oh. I did say a word
at the end there, didn't I?

324
00:13:40,220 --> 00:13:42,253
Did you see the part
where all this was going on

325
00:13:42,255 --> 00:13:43,321
And shaking your tail feathers
and whatnot?

326
00:13:43,323 --> 00:13:47,325
I didn't see it--I got
the worst view in the house.

327
00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:49,427
That's what
chased them away, man.

328
00:13:49,429 --> 00:13:51,162
- All right.
- You know what?

329
00:13:51,164 --> 00:13:54,199
- Stay away from me.
- All right.

330
00:13:57,469 --> 00:13:58,703
Whoo whee!

331
00:13:58,705 --> 00:14:01,973
Miss laverne.

332
00:14:01,975 --> 00:14:06,044
You like
a long-stemmed rose,

333
00:14:06,046 --> 00:14:07,846
The way
you looking and smelling.

334
00:14:07,848 --> 00:14:09,280
Mm-mm-mm-mm!

335
00:14:09,282 --> 00:14:12,283
What is your recipe?

336
00:14:12,285 --> 00:14:13,384
Damn, boy.

337
00:14:13,386 --> 00:14:15,753
I bet you got a big old dick
and balls.

338
00:14:15,755 --> 00:14:18,990
I love you.

339
00:14:25,264 --> 00:14:27,532
[haunting western music]

340
00:14:43,215 --> 00:14:45,283
Lee! Lee!

341
00:14:45,285 --> 00:14:46,284
Oh, [bleep]!

342
00:14:46,286 --> 00:14:48,553
Oh, lee, I'm sorry,
buddy.

343
00:14:48,555 --> 00:14:50,054
I can't believe it.

344
00:14:50,056 --> 00:14:51,456
Thank you so much
for coming.

345
00:14:51,458 --> 00:14:54,158
I haven't seen you
in years.

346
00:14:54,160 --> 00:14:56,227
Oh...

347
00:14:56,229 --> 00:14:58,096
Yeah.

348
00:14:58,098 --> 00:15:00,832
Oh!

349
00:15:00,834 --> 00:15:04,402
Yeah, hey.

350
00:15:06,505 --> 00:15:07,071
Stuart!

351
00:15:07,073 --> 00:15:08,873
- Yes!
- Man.

352
00:15:08,875 --> 00:15:11,209
Oh, I haven't seen you since--

353
00:15:11,211 --> 00:15:12,210
- Eighth grade.
- Eighth grade.

354
00:15:12,212 --> 00:15:13,912
- Miss lacy's class?
- Yeah...I know, I know.

355
00:15:13,914 --> 00:15:17,382
Miss lacy's class!
Ha ha!

356
00:15:17,384 --> 00:15:18,249
Oh, you brought me
flowers?

357
00:15:18,251 --> 00:15:20,385
Mm-hmm.

358
00:15:20,387 --> 00:15:22,120
That's awesome.
That's awesome.

359
00:15:22,122 --> 00:15:23,855
I bought these at a store
for you.

360
00:15:23,857 --> 00:15:27,492
You didn't have
to bring me flowers, man.

361
00:15:27,494 --> 00:15:28,126
Here you go.

362
00:15:28,128 --> 00:15:31,296
Crazy the way
I went out like that, huh?

363
00:15:31,298 --> 00:15:32,497
- Yeah.
- What was that?

364
00:15:32,499 --> 00:15:35,166
- What?
I was like, when I heard,

365
00:15:35,168 --> 00:15:36,067
I was like, "what the [bleep]?"

366
00:15:36,069 --> 00:15:39,437
Oh, well of course, I mean--
[bleep] boulder?

367
00:15:39,439 --> 00:15:41,105
Who'd have thought!

368
00:15:41,107 --> 00:15:42,073
Boulder. Right.
I mean it's like,

369
00:15:42,075 --> 00:15:44,575
Who gets killed
by a boulder these days?

370
00:15:44,577 --> 00:15:46,177
Well, I mean--I mean,
not me.

371
00:15:46,179 --> 00:15:47,578
I mean I was
in boulder, colorado.

372
00:15:47,580 --> 00:15:50,315
I was hiking, and then
I fell off that mountain.

373
00:15:50,317 --> 00:15:50,982
Remember?

374
00:15:50,984 --> 00:15:52,884
You remember, right?
Boulder, colorado.

375
00:15:52,886 --> 00:15:54,218
- Yeah!
- I was hiking, and then I--

376
00:15:54,220 --> 00:15:56,154
- No, I-I know!
- I was dehydrated,

377
00:15:56,156 --> 00:15:57,288
Then they
couldn't find me.

378
00:15:57,290 --> 00:15:59,924
No, I was saying,
like, if you think about it,

379
00:15:59,926 --> 00:16:02,627
Boulder killed you.

380
00:16:02,629 --> 00:16:03,428
Well, not really boulder.

381
00:16:03,430 --> 00:16:04,362
I wouldn't say the city,
per se.

382
00:16:04,364 --> 00:16:06,564
It was the--it was the cougar
that got me.

383
00:16:06,566 --> 00:16:07,999
And then that's what everyone
was talking about.

384
00:16:08,001 --> 00:16:10,635
I mean, god, I was out there
for like, three weeks.

385
00:16:10,637 --> 00:16:11,869
- Yeah.
- Jeez.

386
00:16:11,871 --> 00:16:13,604
But that's neither here
nor there.

387
00:16:13,606 --> 00:16:14,305
So, hey, did you get

388
00:16:14,307 --> 00:16:15,974
That linkedin invitation
I sent you before I died?

389
00:16:15,976 --> 00:16:18,109
I--you know,

390
00:16:18,111 --> 00:16:18,910
Um, I mean, I don't--

391
00:16:18,912 --> 00:16:21,212
When I see linkedin,

392
00:16:21,214 --> 00:16:22,213
I just delete it
without even checking,

393
00:16:22,215 --> 00:16:24,015
- Because I've just got...
- No, no, I got you.

394
00:16:24,017 --> 00:16:26,184
- So much...On my plate.
- Totally, yeah, yeah.

395
00:16:26,186 --> 00:16:27,185
- I get it, I get it.
- So...

396
00:16:27,187 --> 00:16:31,122
Hey, so w-what
did you want to say to me?

397
00:16:31,124 --> 00:16:33,057
- Um, what do you mean?
- You know, that's why

398
00:16:33,059 --> 00:16:34,025
People come
to graveyards, right?

399
00:16:34,027 --> 00:16:35,059
Is so you can say
the stuff

400
00:16:35,061 --> 00:16:37,929
- That you wish you had said...
- Right, right--

401
00:16:37,931 --> 00:16:40,198
When someone was alive,
right?

402
00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:42,433
Oh, my god.
There's so much stuff.

403
00:16:42,435 --> 00:16:43,601
Okay, where do I start?

404
00:16:43,603 --> 00:16:45,136
- Um...
- Take your time, man.

405
00:16:45,138 --> 00:16:48,473
You can lay a couple on me today
and then come back.

406
00:16:48,475 --> 00:16:52,076
Yeah, I mean--yeah,
I can get it done here.

407
00:16:52,078 --> 00:16:53,011
'cause that's the whole reason

408
00:16:53,013 --> 00:16:55,113
- I came down here, you know.
- Sure. Yeah, yeah.

409
00:16:55,115 --> 00:16:58,316
Plus my grandfather's
like two rows down there.

410
00:16:58,318 --> 00:17:01,452
- Oh.
- I was gonna come to you,

411
00:17:01,454 --> 00:17:02,220
Say some things to you,

412
00:17:02,222 --> 00:17:07,358
Go to him,
and sort of finish up...

413
00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:09,394
- Oh...
- There.

414
00:17:09,396 --> 00:17:11,429
But you were coming
to see me too?

415
00:17:11,431 --> 00:17:13,097
Totally, totally, totally.

416
00:17:13,099 --> 00:17:14,032
Well, fire away, man.

417
00:17:14,034 --> 00:17:17,035
You're the only good friend
I have who's come to visit.

418
00:17:17,037 --> 00:17:19,203
Yeah.

419
00:17:19,205 --> 00:17:20,705
Really? Yeah.

420
00:17:20,707 --> 00:17:21,239
Uh-huh.

421
00:17:21,241 --> 00:17:25,209
I just wanted to, uh,
say that, oh,

422
00:17:25,211 --> 00:17:27,712
If you see my grandfather,

423
00:17:27,714 --> 00:17:29,580
Maybe you could
just tell him that--

424
00:17:29,582 --> 00:17:32,250
Okay, so you didn't
come here to visit me.

425
00:17:32,252 --> 00:17:34,318
You came here
to see your grandfather.

426
00:17:34,320 --> 00:17:34,852
I get it.

427
00:17:34,854 --> 00:17:38,122
Well, what do you mean?
What are you talking about?

428
00:17:38,124 --> 00:17:40,425
Oh--pffft!
[bleep], please.

429
00:17:40,427 --> 00:17:42,026
I'm here to see you.

430
00:17:42,028 --> 00:17:43,061
- Why--
- right.

431
00:17:43,063 --> 00:17:45,363
Okay. It's cool.
You know what,

432
00:17:45,365 --> 00:17:48,666
I'm just gonna, you know,
go back to the afterlife.

433
00:17:48,668 --> 00:17:49,567
I'm sorry.
I'm behind hostile.

434
00:17:49,569 --> 00:17:51,436
It's just a little
embarrassed right now,

435
00:17:51,438 --> 00:17:54,105
- A little taken off guard.
- I'm just gonna...

436
00:17:56,175 --> 00:17:57,742
No, go ahead, take them.
Get them.

437
00:17:57,744 --> 00:18:00,478
- Yeah.
- Go ahead, get them, get them.

438
00:18:02,281 --> 00:18:03,981
[mumbling]

439
00:18:08,120 --> 00:18:10,054
Oh, uh,
just a heads up, though, lee.

440
00:18:10,056 --> 00:18:14,459
Um, I'm probably gonna haunt you
for the rest of your life,

441
00:18:14,461 --> 00:18:15,560
And if you have a daughter,

442
00:18:15,562 --> 00:18:17,595
I'm gonna
possess the creepiest doll

443
00:18:17,597 --> 00:18:18,629
- In her bedroom.
- No.

444
00:18:18,631 --> 00:18:19,764
- Just so you know.
- No, no, no, no, no,

445
00:18:19,766 --> 00:18:22,233
Wait, wait, wait.
Stevie, stevie, stevie.

446
00:18:22,235 --> 00:18:23,167
Stuart!

447
00:18:24,636 --> 00:18:27,004
[haunting western music]

448
00:18:28,640 --> 00:18:31,509
- Do you believe in ghosts?
- I'm not--no.

449
00:18:31,511 --> 00:18:33,111
I'm not a big ghost guy.

450
00:18:33,113 --> 00:18:34,445
I don't have any ghosts
in my house.

451
00:18:34,447 --> 00:18:36,314
I know a lot of people
just talking about, "oh, yeah,

452
00:18:36,316 --> 00:18:37,248
"there's a ghost.
There's a ghost.

453
00:18:37,250 --> 00:18:39,484
- I feel her."
- "oh, she's there."

454
00:18:39,486 --> 00:18:40,718
"I feel her presence
every time

455
00:18:40,720 --> 00:18:42,787
- I go to the dining room."
- my aunt had a ghost.

456
00:18:42,789 --> 00:18:45,089
She used to say,
and she goes, "and then one day,

457
00:18:45,091 --> 00:18:46,023
I just named him phillip."

458
00:18:46,025 --> 00:18:48,259
That's the crazy [bleep],
when a mother[bleep]

459
00:18:48,261 --> 00:18:51,729
Is like so believes that there's
a ghost in their house

460
00:18:51,731 --> 00:18:54,165
That they've gone
past the point of being scared.

461
00:18:54,167 --> 00:18:56,400
They just say, "oh, no,
that's just phillip."

462
00:18:56,402 --> 00:18:58,102
- "yeah, he floats up high..."
- "he's just knocking--

463
00:18:58,104 --> 00:19:01,072
He's just knocking the coriander
off of the spice shelf.

464
00:19:01,074 --> 00:19:02,206
- No big deal."
- "he's mad

465
00:19:02,208 --> 00:19:03,508
- 'cause I'm making chili."
- "because I'm making

466
00:19:03,510 --> 00:19:04,775
- Chili today."
- "he don't like chili."

467
00:19:04,777 --> 00:19:05,610
"he lives in the spice rack

468
00:19:05,612 --> 00:19:07,712
And doesn't want me messing
with all the stuff."

469
00:19:07,714 --> 00:19:09,480
- "owes me a little rent."
- "okay, phillip."

470
00:19:09,482 --> 00:19:10,615
That's what my aunt
used to say.

471
00:19:10,617 --> 00:19:12,116
I said, "you got a straight
poltergeist in your house

472
00:19:12,118 --> 00:19:13,184
And you named him phillip?"

473
00:19:13,186 --> 00:19:17,522
It's like, how about--
how about option b--you crazy.

474
00:19:17,524 --> 00:19:18,289
[laughs]

475
00:19:18,291 --> 00:19:23,394
[haunting western music]

476
00:19:23,396 --> 00:19:25,496
[police radio chatter]

477
00:19:25,498 --> 00:19:27,398
Look at this mess.

478
00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:28,166
Makes me sick.

479
00:19:28,168 --> 00:19:33,104
There's no way to stop
this kind of insane violence.

480
00:19:33,106 --> 00:19:34,005
Seems like no matter
what we do,

481
00:19:34,007 --> 00:19:35,773
Some innocent fool
is always gonna get slaughtered,

482
00:19:35,775 --> 00:19:38,109
And we're always gonna
be playing catch up.

483
00:19:38,111 --> 00:19:41,245
We're never gonna find the guy
that did this.

484
00:19:41,247 --> 00:19:45,116
Tell that to his widow.

485
00:19:49,755 --> 00:19:51,489
And we're always going
to be playing catch up.

486
00:19:51,491 --> 00:19:54,158
We're never gonna find the guy
that did this.

487
00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:57,195
[sobbing]

488
00:20:06,171 --> 00:20:08,506
[haunting western music]

489
00:20:10,842 --> 00:20:13,344
Do you ever pretend
like you understand something

490
00:20:13,346 --> 00:20:16,714
When you don't really
understand it?

491
00:20:16,716 --> 00:20:19,717
Yeah, to end conversations.

492
00:20:19,719 --> 00:20:20,318
Ha ha ha!

493
00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:24,722
If your significant other's
asking you a question,

494
00:20:24,724 --> 00:20:26,357
You ain't gonna be
like "I don't know."

495
00:20:26,359 --> 00:20:28,459
I won't do it.
It's so hard for me

496
00:20:28,461 --> 00:20:30,895
To just go,
"I don't know."

497
00:20:30,897 --> 00:20:32,597
You'd be like, "well..."

498
00:20:32,599 --> 00:20:33,431
"well..."

499
00:20:33,433 --> 00:20:34,632
It's probably the--

500
00:20:34,634 --> 00:20:36,901
The back of the airplane
that's heavier."

501
00:20:36,903 --> 00:20:38,869
- Right, right, right.
- "so that's why

502
00:20:38,871 --> 00:20:39,570
"it wants to take off

503
00:20:39,572 --> 00:20:41,739
- With the lightest part first."
- yes.

504
00:20:41,741 --> 00:20:43,708
"well, we're talking
about different parts of a cell.

505
00:20:43,710 --> 00:20:45,309
There's the, you know,
the mitochondria, there's

506
00:20:45,311 --> 00:20:46,644
- The endoplasmic reticulum"--
- oh, just lipping now...

507
00:20:46,646 --> 00:20:49,747
And then I just out of--I just
say "endoplasmic reticulum"

508
00:20:49,749 --> 00:20:50,648
And then run out of the room.

509
00:20:50,650 --> 00:20:52,617
You're just talking
about riboflavin.

510
00:20:52,619 --> 00:20:53,784
Yeah, and then run.
Yeah, yeah.

511
00:20:53,786 --> 00:20:55,620
"hemoglobin."
run, run, go.

512
00:20:55,622 --> 00:20:56,954
Hemoglobin, hemoglobin,
hemoglobin...

513
00:20:56,956 --> 00:20:59,357
Both: Hemoglobin, hemoglobin,
hemoglobin, hemoglobin--

514
00:20:59,359 --> 00:21:01,859
♪ I'm gonna do
my one line here ♪

515
00:21:01,861 --> 00:21:03,227
Oh, yeah.

516
00:21:07,866 --> 00:21:08,899
[overlapping shouting]

517
00:21:08,901 --> 00:21:09,934
(man)
he's back.

518
00:21:09,936 --> 00:21:12,837
He's back. He's back.
Yeah.

519
00:21:12,839 --> 00:21:14,372
[crowd groans]
oh!

520
00:21:14,374 --> 00:21:16,941
You want it!
You know you want it!

521
00:21:16,943 --> 00:21:18,676
[crowd groaning, shouting]
(man) oh, my god!

522
00:21:18,678 --> 00:21:18,709
(man)
come on.
He spread them.